Yes, I am still Alive

I know I have been silent for too long, leaving my readers with no explanation to my absence.  I don’t really have a good excuse, I have rationalized my silence in much the same way I deal with my weight issues. But, today I was hit square in the mouth with the reality of my situation. So I will lay out my weak excuses for at least not popping on the blog and letting people know what was going on with me. 

In the first place I had reached the point where I didn’t want to struggle anymore with figuring out what to eat and how much I could eat. I know what types of food and how much to eat to facilitate weight loss but actually selecting and preparing the food is another thing. Needless to say I have been off program since my last post. I have eaten whatever and whenever I wanted not caring how much of it I ate. One of the things I didn’t want to fall into were blog postings of oops I fell off the wagon, but tomorrow is another day. I also did not want to be a hinderance to others with my failures. I have continued to follow the journeys of my fellow weight loss bloggers and I really didn’t want to have a negative impact on the community. 

Secondly, I have been battling something I have never faced before. I began to deal with stress and turmoil with comfort foods. Maybe I have been guilty of this before but only recently did I realize I was sitting in my chair worried about something and I would get up and make me something to eat. One night after Thanksgiving I was sitting in my chair watching TV when I realized I was not hungry but I was continuing to eat anyway and it felt good. That is until I remembered what I was doing before I made me some cream cheese dip. I was worried about my job and the direction it may take in the coming year. 

The other reason I have not posted on my blog is because I don’t like to admit failures. The way things have been lately that would be most all of my posts. If you ask the people I work with they would also tell you that I don’t like to ask for help. One of the reasons I started to blog about dieting and weight loss was to hopefully encourage others to succeed. It is hard to offer encouragement when I myself am discouraged. 

For those of you that have sent me words of concern and encouragement I want to apologize for my silence and thank you for reaching out to me. For those that have continued to visit my blog I want to apologize to you also. Now, what about the future? I am not sure about that right now. I want to lose this weight but I don’t know if I am truly ready to make the daily sacrifice. Will I return to blogging about my weight issues? I am not sure about that either. 

At least now you know what happened to me. I understand if you decide to unsubscribe from my feed or remove me from your bookmarks or blogroll. I wish all of you the best of luck.